🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.