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The current year represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {